Alex Pardee - The No-Longers

Artist Statement:

INTRODUCING THE NO-LONGERS:

“Last Halloween, when the first symptoms appeared, none of us knew anything about it. How COULD we have known? All we witnessed was the appearance of seemingly harmless, colorful blisters peppering the skin of a few folks before they each eventually went (for lack of a better word) crazy. And that was only last year. Last year was a LIFETIME ago. 

But now, thanks to the late Dr. Farnsworth (R.I.P.) and a small handful of others, like Baby Bunsen Honeydew, Dexter and even that asshole Rick Sanchez, we have a lot more information about what it is, where it may have come from, and what we can do to stop it. 

Using these brave scientists’ vital research that I’ve compiled over the last 10 or so months, I’ll now do my best to catch you up on what’s happening here in Toon Town, and why almost all of the toons are NO LONGER themselves…

Last Halloween, a meteor fell from the sky and crashed into the vacant pumpkin patch where Linus, Snoopy and the rest of the Peanuts gang often hang out. What emerged out of the fallen meteor was a small, pickle-shaped lifeform that had no distinguishable marks aside from a few multi-colored blisters. This stranger to our world is now known as just that: “The Stranger”. The Stranger, or rather, what the stranger was CARRYING, is the reason why Hell has befallen Toon-Town. 

The atmosphere of Toon-Town was too much of a shock to The Stranger upon landing, and it needed an immediate host in order to survive. Something living. Something warm. Something that could feed its needs. The Stranger found a host inside the nearest pumpkin, where it fed itself from within. Quickly, the pumpkin was no longer just a pumpkin…

Days later, Linus and Sally arrived in the pumpkin patch to prove that the legendary mythological being, The Great Pumpkin, did exist. In a case of “misinterpreted identity”, they DID see the Great Pumpkin, or at least, they saw who they THOUGHT was the Great Pumpkin. But it was no longer “great” at all. The Stranger was inside that pumpkin. A terrified Sally fled the scene to go inform her detective friends at Mystery Incorporated about the Great Pumpkin, but Linus wasn’t so lucky. Enthralled simply by the sight of The Great Pumpkin, despite its horrific appearance, he froze. And the Great Pumpkin attacked him, eating most of the lower half of his body. As he lay dying, he (nor anyone else until months later) realized that this attack had also infected his ink-stream with whatever disease The Stranger had. Linus did his best to crawl back home but didn’t make it far from the pumpkin patch before “THE DOTS” appeared. Colorful blisters started protruding through his skin, and he started subtly physically changing too. He was no longer Linus. He was something else. The trauma was too much, and Linus succumbed to his injuries. At this time, Snoopy showed up and saw Linus’ body, unconscious. Hoping to help heal his wounds, Snoopy licked Linus’ exposed flesh and splintered femur bone. Linus didn’t move, and Snoopy walked away in despair, crying, unknowingly infected with “The Dots”.

Thanks to Sally, Mystery Incorporated arrived on the scene to investigate the attack. Upon their arrival, Fred, Velma, Daphne, and those twerps Shaggy and Scooby were in shock by the site of Linus’ distorted and disemboweled body. Shaggy vomited his triple-ham sandwich up immediately, causing Scooby to do the same. The group spread out to look for clues. Scooby heard a familiar noise coming from the bushes, and when he got closer, he realized it was his friend, Snoopy! But Snoopy looked like HE might need some help, too. Aside from “The Dots”, Snoopy’s jaw was unhinged, exposing an array of sharp, organic teeth and inflated gums. Snoopy was no longer Snoopy at all. As Scooby reached out to offer a hand, Snoopy BIT his hand, almost taking it clean off. Not one for confrontation, Scooby jumped in Shaggy’s arms and the two of them ran back to join the rest of the gang to show them what happened to Scooby. Fred responsibly made the right choice. They hopped in the Mystery Machine and attempted to get Scooby over to Doc McStuffin’s FAST. The only problem was that they never made it to Doc McStuffin’s.

Fred drove the Mystery Machine recklessly in an attempt to see the famous veterinarian. Daphne and Velma were too focused on helping Fred navigate around the array of giant mushroom houses to pay attention to what was happening in the back of the van. So they didn’t realize that Scooby was No-Longer Scooby. His head had detached, revealing a more vicious, uncontrolled head from beneath it, which had BITTEN Shaggy, infecting HIM in the meantime. Together, No-Longer-Shaggy and No-Longer-Scooby attacked their friends inside the van, causing Fred to lose control of the van and horrifically crash into the worst possible place it could crash into: SMURF VILLAGE, home to literally hundreds of Smurfs. 

This was the turning point. Up to this point, there was a possibility that “The Dots’ could have been contained and the few victims studied. But once the infection infiltrated an entire village of hyperactive little blue trolls, we were ALL doomed. The Dots spread relatively quickly amongst the Smurfs, who, in their various states of mania, all branched out to different parts of Toon-Town, attacking, eating, and infecting so many Toons that it’s been nearly impossible to keep track of the route of the infection from that point. All we know is that “The Dots” hit all of Toon Town HARD after that. 

There’s not too many of us left. Last week I even watched Bullwinkle fuse himself together with that poor squirrel friend of his, just moments before they both devoured The Great Gazoo in one bite. 

But as silly as this sounds, THIS is what I have been waiting for since my rejection. THIS is what I have been training for since I lost everything. THIS is what I have been PREPARING for to find my purpose. I will stop this. I HAVE to stop this. The Stranger is still alive in that pumpkin patch. I can’t let cartoons die, no matter how they treated me in the past. Cartoons will survive. And I will be their hero. The No-Longers WILL be no-longer.”

-       Pancake The Clown. October, 2022